Struggling to Balance Parenthood Desires and a Sexless Marriage
Dear Affair Of Heart,
Hello, my wife and I have been married for 16 years. For almost eight years now, we have not engaged in sexual activity due to her disinterest. I have resorted to self-pleasure without the involvement of my wife. I am an honest man and my desire for a child is strong. However, without sexual intimacy, conceiving a child is impossible. I do not wish to coerce her as she is not entirely resistant. After numerous discussions, we attempted to have sex several times, but she did not become pregnant.
At 40 years old, my primary goal is to have a child. If I continue in this manner, I will age further without the opportunity to become a parent. I am losing hope in life! I have contemplated divorce multiple times, but I fear the unknowns that lie ahead. Divorce is a significant decision that will impact my life greatly. I have spent years pondering the idea of having a child. Unfortunately, my wife does not share the same enthusiasm for children. She stated that if I desire it, she will cooperate, but this arrangement resulted from arguments, and I dislike having to plead with her every month. It is exhausting and I dislike begging.
This issue has become a major dilemma in my life. You suggested that I should accept not having children and make do with the situation. However, there is a storm brewing within me and my wife, and I fear it may erupt in the future. I have no descendants and no sense of direction or motivation for my future endeavors! Of course, many people lead fulfilling lives without children, but it is undeniable that life with children is completely different from life without them.
I am leaning towards depression. If I persist in desiring children, I must choose between divorce or coercing my wife into having sex. I also contemplate whether I should divorce solely for the sake of having children. Nevertheless, I know this is a significant dilemma in my heart!
I seek your guidance to help me choose a path and alleviate the pain in my life. Apart from work, there is nothing that brings me happiness. I avoid conversations with my wife and even contemplate death. What am I striving for? If I do not desire children, I have sufficient financial means to live comfortably. If I quit my job and stay at home, it would be enough for my retirement.
I am also a member of a state-owned enterprise team, and my income is more than enough to sustain me. The purpose of work is to have something to do. Staying at home only brings annoyance. I simply desire a happy family of three and will work harder to improve their lives.
I want to give. Currently, I handle all household matters and solve every problem, leaving my wife with no responsibilities. With a child, she will undoubtedly feel tired, but I am willing to give even more! At forty years old, I feel utterly perplexed. I seek your assistance in analyzing my situation so that I can make a decision and find contentment, or perhaps let fate take its course!