Seeking Guidance Navigating an Affair with a Married Colleague
Dear Affair Of Heart,
I hope this message finds you well. I have been following your articles for some time now, finding solace and comfort in your words. However, I find myself struggling to navigate my own life, feeling lost and uncertain. It's as if I understand all the principles, yet I still can't seem to live my life well.
Allow me to share my story. My boss and I engaged in an affair. I am divorced at the age of 34, while he is a married returnee in his 50s. Unlike his peers, he is not greasy, bald, or senile. He has a tall, straight figure, exudes generosity and decency in public, and holds a prominent leadership position in the company. Although he is not my direct superior, he leads the company's leadership. He is widely respected for his loyalty, self-discipline, and happy family life. Despite my occasionally difficult temper, I admired and respected him during my time in the company. I never entertained the thought of anything more, especially considering our age difference.
However, during a dinner arranged by our department leader, he showed a particular interest in me. Afterward, he asked me out when I returned home. Although I realized he was flirting with me, I didn't refuse. We began exchanging a few words here and there. Eventually, due to another dinner and drinks, he invited me to watch a movie at his house, and something happened that shouldn't have.
He and his wife have been living apart for a long time, so we often spend time together after work and on weekends. However, given our limited prior contact, we don't know each other well. All I saw before was his aura in the company, which seems to have diminished since we became involved. Nevertheless, I've developed a certain dependence on him, hoping he will be there for me when I need support in the future.
After my divorce, I had a few boyfriends and had essentially given up on marriage and relationships. I thought I could handle it all casually, purely for physicality or companionship. I didn't expect to have any other expectations, but it seems I may have overestimated myself.
After being together for three months, I began to feel that he didn't consider or take care of me at all. He didn't show any concern for my career or well-being. Am I asking for too much? I never asked him for anything, but I would occasionally buy him small gifts. I believe a man of his age should understand the challenges I face. I am divorced, have children, and my financial situation is average. Other leaders and colleagues are aware of my difficulties. Doesn't he understand?
Personally, I don't have many emotional needs from him. I don't have a powerful background or support. While I do see him as a potential lifeline in the future, I don't want to be so utilitarian. I don't even have the courage to ask him for a simple lipstick. My self-esteem is too strong, and I strive to maintain my independence and dignity.
Teacher, I have read many of your articles, and you advise against testing men. How can a young woman outsmart a middle-aged man who has experienced so much in life? In the past few days, I've expressed my frustration, but it seems to have had no effect. He completely ignored me. Perhaps I am overestimating myself. Maybe his interest in me is merely physical?
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m., feeling deeply depressed due to his recent attitude. Should I have a frank conversation with him?
I find myself desperately in need of guidance, seeking an outlet to help me navigate this situation. I eagerly await your reply.
Warm regards